#hi i’m dean winchester and i’m an outstanding heterosexual

1. They had already conclusively identified the guy with the cards in his wallet. Dean was looking at the birthmark on his penis for kicks. And he took a nice long look, then complimented the guy. 

2. Dean didn’t want Sammy. He wanted someone like a brother, without all the complications. The Siren was a distinctly sexual creature, created in each scenario to be the perfect sexual and personality match for the victim. In every case. The victim’s significant other was not always sexual (ie that one dude’s mom) but the victim’s relationship with the siren always was. Also, the siren was nothing like Sammy in personality or appearance.

3. No one else had a problem not looking at chubby cupid’s chubby.

4. Dean uses specific barbs to get under people’s skins this episode. With Bobby, it was “You’re not my father”. With Sam it was about their brotherhood and trust issues. With Castiel, it’s a sexual come-on. Okay? Okay. That means he both recognizes Cas’ attraction to him and knows how to play it.

5. Dean is a blushing fan girl, who classifies Dr Sexy as sexy because he wears cowboy boots. Dean has a western fetish. Dean doesn’t classify Dr Sexy as sexy to some people, he just classifies him as sexy. Sam is not impressed.

6. Dean forms strong emotional attachments to men very quickly. This guy looked a lot like Cas, and Dean spent the whole season mourning Cas. This is not evidence of bisexuality — or any sexuality — but rather is evidence of Dean’s need for someone to fill the emotional intimacy Cas left void when he died.

7. Dean has specific, sexual body language when he’s interacting with Cas. True, Jensen is a lip-licker. But there are not only various ways to lick your lips — some of which are truly sexual — but there’s also all the other behavior going on in that gif. His realization  of what he’s doing, of Cas tracking the movement, his shifty eyes when he checks around in embarrassment to see if anyone noticed. Don’t downplay the body language, because they took several takes of these things and actors are trained to be conscious of their bodies while being honest in a scene (hence screen actors actually taking into account eye placement inspired by sense memories as opposed to imaginary scenarios). This had to get by the director, producer, and editing team. It’s in there deliberately. It didn’t need to be. But it is. For what reason? We get to decide.

8. Crossdressing does not equal gay, but it kinda does in Dean Winchester’s mind. He repeatedly equates the effeminate (or what he thinks is effeminate, which is a ton of things including feelings and probably vegetables) to homosexuality. He’s also suffering from a little bit of gender dysphoria, because he’s attracted to several things that he or someone in his life deemed unmasculine (such as liking ballet movies and wearing ladies underwear). In the fairy tale episode, when confronted with a frog, Dean assumes he’s going to have to take on the female role, bite the bullet and kiss it — so he preemptively says no way, Jose. But it is just one of the ways in which Dean’s defensiveness springs not from an outward attack on his masculinity, but from his inner insecurities. When he is trying to trip up Sam by preying on masculine insecurities “Sam wears women’s underwear!” “Is this yours? [holds up a bra]” it’s projection: Dean wears women’s underwear. And liked it. And he never got over it, whether or not it’s important to us. It says nothing factual to us about his sexuality, but it says a lot to Dean himself.

9. Dean doesn’t have to eye the guy up and down and give him a hi, howyadoin’ smile there. He’s obviously impressed by the guy’s uniform — but, um, you know who else is really impressed by a guy in uniform? Anyone who has a kink for uniforms, or authority. Just sayin’. And again, body language. There are ways to check out an impressive uniform without seeming sexual. This is not one of the ways to do that.

10. There was no 10 but I’m adding it. Did we forget about the boner already? How about the fact that Dean’s supposedly uncomfortable with Cas sharing close physical space with him, but then gets all up into Cas’? How about the fact that Cas can paw through his bag and duffel and Dad’s journal, but the minute he wants to crash in their room, Dean gets super uncomfortable? (Hint: platonic best friends don’t care if you sleep on their floor while their sibling is in the room. Or if you choose to stay up and watch silent tv or read a book while they sleep.) How about the way Dean OBVIOUSLY checks out Cas in scene after scene, stands like 2cm away, and initiates serious heart-to-hearts again and again — something he loathes to do, even with Sammy? 

Or how about the fact that Jensen implied Dean used to turn tricks? How about Jeffery’s monologue at Dean about his relationship with the demon being a parallel to Dean’s own state (obviously with his angel, come on, so blatant)? Or how about the fact that he stared at Emmanuel with practically no reservation, just like, awe and heartbreak, and asked repeatedly about his “wife”, like he couldn’t believe it? How about the fact when Meg says, “You go talk to him, he was your boyfriend first” Dean not only doesn’t object, he goes and talks to him.